Tea and Crumpets
by Ava Telcontar
Summary: Syfy's Alice. Missing scenes. Be kind.
1. Chapter 1

**Tea and Crumpets**

**Missing Scenes from Syfy's Alice**

**By**

**Ava Telcontar**

* * *

"Wait, here Just Alice. I need to saddle Guinevere." Charlie wandered off ramshackle armor clanking merrily leaving a bemused earthgirl and a sputtering former teashop owner.

"Vassal? I'm no one's vassal!" The Hatter muttered. He paused in his reputing of vassal-hood and his lips quirked up at the play of shadow and light that fluttered over Alice's creamy skin. The wine dark coat was a good choice. She looked ravishing in velvet. His smile morphed into a grin. Alice was pouting. It was adorable sexy cuter than a kitten in a basket of buttons. Also, he wanted to nibble that lower lip.

Leisurely, he reached out and tapped her shoulder. Alice blinked her eyes at him. Her eyes were one of his favorite things about her. They were large and filled with the ocean.

As her fascinating mind leapt from crisp cool logic to swirling frothing emotions they changed in shade and tone; from as gray as the sea after a storm to deep as liquid sapphire.

Alice sighed. "I freaked out."

At this the Hatter blinked. When was that? He didn't remember any freak out. She'd been as cooler than ice cream the entire time he'd known her.

She shrugged, "The thing with the tree. And the circling of the tree."

"Meh?"

"I don't freak out. No matter how weird or dangerous or dangerously weird I don't freak out. When everyone else is running around like they've got squirrels in their pants, I stay calm."

As she began to monologue on her 'notably awesome ability to keep her head in a crisis', The Hatter, couldn't help but think about people with squirrel in their pants. Had she'd ever actually seen people running about with squirrels in their pants? A happy picture of an army of trained squirrels, trained to run up enemy pants, infiltrating the Queen's suites flashed on the slide show in his brain and what the hell was she talking about now?

"And when my former high school science teacher that'd had a mishap with his four experimental adamantium prehensile arms went nuts and hauled me up and MJ up to the school roof and started ranting about his genius and how much academia sucked did I freak out nooo. I did not. I asked questions about the homework assignments. Just because it was his début as a supervillian did not mean he'd stopped being an educator.

I kept calm and hoped that MJ didn't have a concussion (she'd been knocked unconscious earlier) and stalled until my good buddy could get his spandex clad hinney out of gym."

Her smooth as hot chocolate voice was quite level as she told this strange and unlikely tale. This was the most he'd ever heard her speak. He liked to hear her talk. Even if she was ranting.

Also, wasn't the Other World meant to be a touch boring? No magic or mystery just a dreary sort of sameness. A world where science teachers could slap on a ridiculous costumes and silly monikers and go on a rampage was _not_ what her world was known for.

He didn't like the idea of Alice in danger when he wasn't around to guard her back. It made his stomach churn and his heart feel tight.

"The point is this. I don't freak out. I just don't. Okay, so Wonderland is weird. I'm from New York. _We have weird with breakfast_. Admittedly, being thrust into another dimension is disorienting. But, it's not as though I don't know about the existence of other dimensions, even fictional ones. I've got cousins in law from other dimensions for God's sake." Alice's rant wound down and she heaved a huge sigh. Her shoulders slumped down as if she were putting down some heavily awkward parcel.

The Hatter smiled at her, "Feel better?"

"Little bit," she held out her thumb and forefinger the indicated how very little better she felt.

They looked up at a rustling clanking noise in the bushes.

"That'll be Charlie," murmured the Hatter.

* * *

Sir Charles Eustace Fath'ringale Malvoi III glanced back at the vassal pulling 'Alice of Legend' onto Guinevere and smothered a smile. The boy was well and truly smitten. The boy also didn't want to be well and truly smitten and was attempting to smother it. He was doing a bad job of it. Anyone could see that he was falling down a rabbit hole with no bottom.

'Alice of Legend' was tumbling down after him. And nether had a clue. Charlie chortled under his breath.

The Hatter rolled his eyes. Alice was loosely holding on to his jacket. It wouldn't do. As soon as they got going she'd just slide off the horse. He reached back and found her lovely wrists and gently yanked until he could feel her warmth and curves at his back.

"Ooof."

"Hold on," he glanced back and grinned at her expression. Somewhere between annoyed and oohh, she's blushing.

"Let us voyage onward…into the wild," Charlie warbled.

* * *

"I seek the answers to life, the universe and everything," The White Knight pulled the words life, universe, and everything out like they were warm taffy. "That is why if I don't seem all here it's because I'm not. I'm off exploring the cosmos. Lifting the veil betwixt and between this world and …"

"42," interrupted Alice a laugh hidden in crisp words.

"Pardon," Charlie turned and lifted one white brow.

"The answer to life, the universe and everything is 42," Alice nodded her head. "That's the answer. The thing is nobody knows what the question is."

The Hatter snorted quietly. Alice it seemed was not above talking the piss and messing with someone's noggin. That was oddly comforting.

"**42? **42 truly? Your other world philosophers must be truly wise to find the answer," Charlie paused. "But very silly to have neglected the question."

Alice shrugged, "It's more of a question of safety, you see there's this theory; if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable."

The Hatter blinked. Was such a thing even possible? The mind ran and hid gibbering at such a mad suggestion.

"There is another theory which states that this has already happened." Alice continued. The Hatter could feel her body shake with unvoiced laughter.

"Egad," whispered the knight in fascinated horror.

* * *

This wasn't a children's story. Alice was caught up to that pertinent detail. It was so different from her childhood favorite. Wonderland was different from she dreamt it. However, it did have certain similarities to Mr. Dodgson's books. The characters sprang to mind.

It was as if the book was adapted to the screen with Terry Pratchett and Joss Whedon writing the script and Tim Burton directing. No wait. Not Burton. She'd seen trailers for his take on Wonderland and he'd gotten the Mad Hatter completely wrong. He was portrayed as a leering psychotic.

Not that her Hatter didn't leer a bit with that 'pretty girl in a very wet dress' observation. She chose not to dwell on why the Hatter finding her attractive made her feel giddy

Come to think of it every interpretation was possibly wrong. She suddenly felt a little indignant on behalf of the man she was holding onto.

Not that _that_ Hatter was this Hatter. It was after all a very long time ago. And it was certainly a different man in a hat. And a different blond Alice.

And my Hatter isn't as mad as all that. And even if he was…he could pull it off. He was just that charming. And brave. And hot. And sweet.

And what was she thinking? The Hatter wasn't hers. Alice was going round the bend. Alice was dating Jack. Alice was here to rescue Jack. Alice was thinking about herself in third person. Alice should stop it.

She tuned into the ongoing argument between the Hatter and the White Knight on the socio-political ramifications of the epic poem 'I'll tell thee everything I can.' Another of Lewis Carroll's nonsense poems that she'd always had to look up the annotations to understand.

And now, if e'er by chance I put

My fingers into glue,

Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot

Into a left-hand shoe,

Intoned Charlie solemnly.

The Hatter made a disgusted noise, "Even so. You're wrong. Even on alternate Wednesday's you'd still be , that refers to the government putting up taxes on treacle that the population can't pay."

"Nug-face, have you been imbibing essence of stupid? That could explain your absurd claims to literacy."

Alice wondered absently if Wonderland had religion. She just couldn't see door to door religion salesman making it big. Discordianism on the other hand. She could see it. Hatter would dig a faith that emphasized disorder and general all-round wackiness. Five tones of flax! Consult your Pineal Gland!

She needed to take a nap.

* * *

"Why?" wondered the Hatter. "Do you have a thing about heights?"

"If you got dangled from the roofs of tall building or thrown off buildings by supervillians on a semi-regular basis you'd dislike heights too," Alice said flatly as if it were a normal thing to say. Then stilled as she noted how very stiff the Hatter's back had gone. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Well, how oft'n is semi-regular?"

Alice thought, "Er, about three or …seven times a year."

"Hmm," was the Hatter's ambiguous comment on the subject.

She decided not to mention all of the various other things more arguably more traumatic than Wonderland that had happened to her. His posture suggested that if he heard any more Alice in Peril stories he'd get upset.

Alice was not afraid of the Hatter. Oh, she knew that the man for all his harmless adorably smarmy mannerisms was dangerous. Alice could tell a lot about someone from how they fought.

The Hatter was impetuous, deadly, and passionate. He seemed to fight every skirmish like it was his last.

That she found it attractive rather than repelling was yet another thing she wasn't going to dwell on.

The right hand of doom was frosting on the cake.

"Charlie? What's wrong?" Alice asked glad for the distraction.

The knight had clamored down from his horse, amusingly named Binky. "Before, we reach the Kingdom of the Knights we must traverse the garden tomb of the White Queen. Be wary. And whatever you do stay off the grass."

Hatter and Alice on Guinevere followed the curious loping stride of the White Knight and the placid cantor of his steed into the most beautiful garden.

The tomb itself of white marble overgrown with fountains of white roses; flowers of every shade and hue and description filled the air with the most exquisite perfume.

Unfortunately, the still late afternoon vision of perfect wonder was spoiled by the grating gossiping of the flowers.

"Oi! Are the poesies making fun of us?" demanded the Hatter.

Alice groaned. She remembered this garden from the book and the Disney movie; albeit, she didn't remember it being this close to Tugly Woods.

The flowers started singing as they ventured into the garden tomb. And Alice nearly laughed. She knew this song.

_Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips_

_And the sun is like a toy balloon_

_There are get up in the morning glories_

_In the golden afternoon_

The little group stilled to a stop as Charlie pulled a curled little book. "Because this is the short cut. The long way takes three days. If you want to get through and not strangled to death by vines you must sing the flowers a song they never heard before."

"Oh great," muttered Charlie. "Mad as a box of frogs." This time said with more emphases. "Why can't we go around the tomb?"

Charlie snorted, "Because on one side of the tomb is the jabberwocky mating grounds and I assure you, you _don't_ want to go there. Ever. And on the other side there is a nest of jubjub birds. So, I must sing."

_You can learn a lot of things from the flowers_

_For especially in the month of June_

_There's a wealth of happiness and romance_

_All in the golden afternoon_

The sickly sweet voices reached a crescendo, _"The golden afternoon!"_

Charlie clapped, "Lovely, just lovely ladies. I have a new composition for you." He smiled winningly at the flowers. "Would you like to hear it?"

"We want to here the girl sing. If she's Alice of Legend prove it! She'll sing—or her blood will water our roots!" trilled the flowers.

Charlie blinked and tried to convince the flowers that they really wanted to hear him sing.

The Hatter grabbed and squeezed one of her hands reassuringly and said lowly, "Hang on."

"No." They were not galloping off.

"No?" The Hatter's voice rose into a squeak. No? Again?

Alice took in Charlie's pale face as he began to insult the trumpeting tulips, very quixotic in his efforts. Don Quixote and windmills… Alice smirked at the Hatter's incredulous expression.

She began slowly and low in volume to sing some of the silliest lyrics her listeners had ever heard. And they knew silly. _"I'm your only friend/I'm not your only friend/But I'm a little glowing friend/But really I'm not actually your friend/But I am…"_

Hatter wondered if he could get her to sing again. Just for him. Dimly it occurred to him that they were moving again through the tomb. But really all of his attention was focused on the serious girl singing the silliest song he'd ever heard.

Alice's voice slowly rose till it filled the giggling tomb with utter nonsense, _"_

_Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch/Who watches over you/Make a little birdhouse in your soul/Not to put too fine a point on it/Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet/Make a little birdhouse in your soul…" _

Charlie eyebrows shot up one after another as he mouthed the words. Hatter would have laughed aloud at his expression of utter bewilderment at the sensible legendary figure going crazy. If he'd been paying attention.

Instead, the Hatter was contemplating Alice who it seemed was subconsciously suppressing a mile wide streak of silly. Her personality didn't just consist of a mix of intense intenseness, kindness, skepticism, bravery and kickassery.

He wondered what it would take to make sweet sensible Alice to let loose. The Hatter dolefully thought that it would have to be trust.

The flowers joined in the chorus, "_"I'm your only friend/I'm not your only friend/But I'm a little glowing friend/But really I'm not actually your friend/But I am…"_

* * *

Having made it out of the garden tomb without anyone's blood watering the pansies they turned a ridge and there it was. The Kingdom of the Knights in all it's ivory and marble glory.

"Well, well," murmured the Hatter.

The two of them slipped off Guinevere. Alice eyes flickered to his face. It was half in shade, half illuminated by the noon light.

Oh, no. Are those butterflies I'm feeling? Her breath caught. She'd never seen anyone have an epiphany before. It transformed his caught between handsome and cute features to a strange and wondrous beauty.

In that moment she knew he would join the Resistance properly. Her heart clenched up. He would be going into danger without her. She would lose him.

And he wasn't even hers to lose.

* * *

Notes

Look the girl was due a rant. Okay.

Er, the squirrels in the pants bit is from Phineas and Ferb. from the episode Comet Kermillain. There's a song. Let's just pretend that someone recorded Candace, the squirrels and those two rapping guys and uploaded it on youtube. And it became an internet sensation. Kay?

Alice was remarkably calm for an oyster that was thrown into Wonderland. There had to be a reason. And so Alice Hamilton is from New York. And in my not so infinite wisdom I've decided that it should be a fictional New York. A veritable missmash of Marvel's oft invaded by aliens NYC and the vast array of other stories that take place in the City that Never Sleeps would explain a lot about her.

Hatter would fit in perfectly.

Yes, her science teacher was indeed, Doctor Otto Gunther Octavius a.k.a Doc Ock and it just makes sense her friends would be MJ Watson and her good buddy …

Guess who her cousins and cousins in law could be. He He. Here's a hint. 'My name's Virginia and I live on the edge of the forest…' and 'True Love's kiss is the most powerful thing in the world.'

Yes. I invoked Douglass Adams. It had to be done.

They Might be Giants would be _so_ popular in Wonderland.

Oh, no. Are those butterflies I'm feeling? Is the first line from 'Love Begins' which is a part of Wonderland: Alice's New Musical Adventure which is in turn an excellent Alice/Hatter fanvid.


	2. Chapter 2

Alice was quiet as she followed Jack out of the Kingdom of the Knights. A silence like a cool fog that smelt strangely of elderberries floated between them.

Absently, Alice wondered if the elderberry fog of silence was really here or metaphorical. Real or not it was incredibly awkward and fidget worthy. And she wasn't going to be the one to break it and have it go tumbling down around her ears.

She shouldn't be glad she isn't doubling up behind Jack. She shouldn't be relieved that she isn't holding on to her boyfriend. Wait. She sent him away. Is he even her boyfriend now?

His back is tall and straight and he rides his horse like he was born to it. He'd never really talked about his past. She'd known he was hiding something. Jack had secrets. Fine. So did she and it wasn't like Alice was going to spill her many mysteries to someone she didn't really know.

She had given more of herself to the Hatter in the last few days then to Jack in the last few months.

And it had been so _easy_.

Was this the real Jack? This chilly manipulative prince who was using her for some unknown purpose and self proclaimed person who care for her more than anyone in the world; hmm, whatever the reasons for his deception she got the impression that he really did care for her. Despite himself.

That didn't excuse his deception. She didn't resent the whole Wonderland thing. It wasn't even the Duchess thing. He'd hidden himself from her. Shown her only the positive aspects of himself. In retrospect, she'd seen neither hide nor hair of any dark corners or annoying habits.

Unlike, say the Hatter. Okay, not going there.

She wasn't as naive as the Hatter seemed to think she was. Okay, she'd defended Jack on the Duchess issue but, that was the shock talking. She'd been used by men before and every time she'd been all but struck dumb by the betrayal.

That numbness was probably why she didn't kick his ass from here to the Ninth Kingdom. Well, that and Jack had just given the mind-blowing news about her father being in Wonderland. All these years looking for him and her daddy was in a book. Yeash.

The third reason Alice didn't kick his ass from here to Andalasia was…she could really hurt him. He might be good with a broadsword but she could say without any hubris on her part that she was the more proficient fighter.

Alice would cream him. Jack was a fast learner but, it didn't stop him from being a rank amateur in the martial arts. He'd never be able to take her. She really was that good.

She let out a huff. She wished Hatter had come.

Jack glanced back and frowned. She couldn't possibly be pining after that teashop owner. Could she?

He'd never be able to articulate the feeling of bitter jealousy that had burned in his veins at the sight of the hat clad wastrel leaning for a kiss from his girl. Jack's frown deepened. Was she still his girl? Didn't they break up? At least he thought they might have; after his disastrous proposal and her subsequent panic at the notion seemed to have put quite the hamper on their romance.

Even so she'd come after him after he was nabbed by the White Rabbit. Surely, she had feeling for him despite being petrified at the notion of commitment. He hoped.

Oh, he hoped. Even though he'd had to admit to himself that this being Alice, she'd have probably chased after anyone who looked to be in trouble.

"Is everything alright?" Jack asked.

Alice shrugged, "What could possibly be wrong?" Her voice dripped with stringy bits of sarcasm.

"Was kissing the Hatter some sort of revenge?" Jack asked abruptly.

Alice's fine feature scrunched up in indignation, "I don't know what you mean."

"I saw the way you were looking at each other," accused the prince. His lips quirked up at one corner in a tangible sardonic curl, "No, you wouldn't do something like that out of revenge. You like him. You find him attractive. Tell me Alice what is it about him that you could possibly find appealing? I don't see it."

Alice's expressive eyes become a steely blue and her mouth tightened before sliding into a wry smile. "I'll have you know that Hatter is very appealing in a silly sort of wonderland way. And that isn't the fact that he's absurdly brave and has saved my life on multiple occasions talking."

Jack stared. He'd heard about the Hatter. Rumors and backroom stories abounded about the middleman who balanced precariously between the Court and the Resistance and could be trusted for a price. "Has he now?"

The Hatter's dark eyes and wild hair and impish mouth appeared in the mirror of her mind. "He's the Han Solo of Wonderland," Alice jutted her chin out defiantly.

"What!" snapped the Prince of Hearts. It was during one rather memorable outing to a film festival that was showing the Star Wars Trilogy that Jack had glimpsed Alice's elusive 'secretly a big geek' fangirl squeeing self.

It was very cute and he'd always regretted that she tucked it back into whatever pocket she kept it in as soon as she noticed him noticing.

He recalled the movie vividly. Jack had been fascinated with the story and could see many parallels with his own world.

He liked the trilogy a lot less recalling that Han Solo, the quintessential reluctant hero was Alice's favorite character, "Well, he's certainly 'scruffy looking' enough for the part."

"I categorically refuse to play the part of Luke," the prince muttered mulishly.

Alice caught it and smiled once at his back. She bit her lip and tugged the reins until she was riding beside him. "Do you know anything about WWII?" Alice asked thoughtfully.

Jack looked at her pale face from the corner of his eye, "I watched a few specials on the history channel," he wondered what this had to do with anything.

"Anything on occupied France and the Marquis?" Alice mentally dusted off her history degree and buffed it a bit.

Jack shrugged.

"I did my thesis on the Marquis. Specifically, those who spied on the occupying forces; many of those who gave information and supplies to the resistance had to get in good with the bad guys." She let him mull this over.

"Some of these people weren't treated very well after the war was over, accused of being collaborators after they had sacrificed so much for the cause, including, their morality, so that others might live."

She took in Jack's stone still profile. "The Hatter can't go back to his old life now. He's going to fight. But, I think that might happen here. Dodo treats him like that now and that's after Hatter's letting him hide in his mother's library. Don't let it." Alice flatly demanded.

Jack would have bristled at being ordered to look after his rivals welfare had something else not caught his attention. "His mother was the librarian of the Great Library?"

Alice nodded absently and sighed remembering the palatable sadness in the Hatter's voice, "Yeah, she was a spy for the resistance."

Jack Heart swallowed as memories bubbled up despite the vast amount of Forgetfulness he'd taken to forget. His visage was as still a stone while his mind frantically compared faces. The stricken face of a small boy with wild curls and the furious, jealous man who seemed all too willing to beat his face in with a tree branch juxtaposed themselves in his disbelieving brain.

"_Mad as hatter, you are!"_

"_Stop tickling me Jack!"_

He fought back a shuddering breath. It just wasn't possible.

Once long ago, a page had been given to his service, the son of the Librarian of the Great Library. Time and age are different in Wonderland, it had been about fifty years ago and he'd been about the same age physically as he was now.

The boy was nine years old and one look into those doe eyes and Jack had been lost. Instead of the traditional lord/vassal relationship they'd been more like brothers or even father and son on occasion. Especially, after the boy's father had died under mysterious circumstances.

The page's mother had been sentenced to death after she had been caught spying for the resistance. And the queen wanted an example. So, she sentenced the entire family to death and planted rebellion in Jack's heart.

Knowing that Jack would not take this quietly, the queen arranged for Jack to be dosed with Lethargy and carried out the sentence when he couldn't move. His father had overseen the executions…

Could the King of Hearts have lied to his Queen? It was preposterous. And yet…

If anything could make a child grow up before its time…?

He cast his memory back to the interrupted kiss and the Hatter's livid countenance. If indeed the purveyor of tea was Jack's lost page then that meant he'd lost everything. And had found Alice who was wonderful and now he lost her too.

Jack felt something inside himself crack. If that were the case then the Hatter and Alice made perfect sense. Two people who'd both lost so much and had been hurt so much…their broken pieces might fit together perfectly. Like a puzzle. Joy and bitter sadness began to do battle inside him.

His page was alive. Alice was maybe lost to him.

By the frumious Bandersnatch, he wished he could think of something else. Oh good. The Garden Tomb.

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo._

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don't belong here_

Alice choked out a laugh, "Radiohead, Jack?" Charlie had told her that the flowers often sing a new song over and over again until they got it perfectly. And the song you heard going in was the song likely sung by the last person.

Jack smiled at her, "They Might Be Giants, Alice?"

She shrugged and rode forward as a song spun itself out of her heart. It was the song her cousin Robert had sang at his wedding. A song that suddenly brought to mind hurt brown eyes and an unspoken painfully real connection.

_You're in my arms  
And all the world is calm  
The music playing on for only two  
So close together  
And when I'm with you  
So close to feeling alive_

* * *

"Hey, Jack. I was wondering." Alice's expression was filled with a particular sharp edged humor.

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering if any of those oyster harvester guys ever tried to nab a mutant." Her grin was all teeth. "I'm guessing…no."

Jack tilted his head in thought. That would be interesting. The havoc a single mutant could cause was hard replicated by three native Wonderlanders.

"Or what would have happened should they ever pick up someone just plain awesome. Imagine it— Tony Stark in Wonderland!" Alice continued happily thinking of the mass destruction certain people could cause and how much she'd like to lob them in the Queen's general direction. "He built his first armor in a cave. With a box of scraps."

Jack laughed.

* * *

Alice didn't trust him. It hurt more than it should.

Alice didn't believe that he loved her. That hurt exactly the right amount.

Alice might be in love with the boy who might as well be his long lost brother. That didn't just hurt. It boggled the mind.

Alice was likely to leave Wonderland without choosing either of them. It would hurt him. But, it might destroy the Hatter.

He'd have to the situation more thought.

* * *

"The hills you say," Charlie eyed the Hatter. Who did the lad think he was fooling? He was going after Alice of Legend and that possibly untrustworthy royal. He may have been born in a breadbox but he was nobody's jester. The harbinger was fooling no one save himself.

"Look, can I borrow a horse or what?" the Hatter asked his voice bouncing around like a monkey on a waterbed.

Well, it wouldn't do to give the game away. "Craven dogs' bottom," the White Knight bellowed.

The Hatter flinched.

"Yellow livered goatboy! Do you always run away from a fight?" Charlie cringed a bit on the inside. Who are you berating old man? "Pasty faced, turnip nosed, fashion disaster!"

The Hatter looked down at his natty silk shirt and leather jacket combo and touched his nose a trifle self-consciously. His fashion sense was just fine thank you and he'd never had any complaints about his nose. Also, not pasty faced.

"You sir are as dumb as a lobotomized monkey! You are as useless as a bicycle to a mermaid! As…"

"There are resistance cells in the hills," The Hatter said with exaggerated patience. "I'm going to join them."

"Oh, why didn't you say so? I'll go saddle Guinevere." With what he knew to be a most obnoxious expression he turned and went to fetch the horse.

The Hatter rolled his eyes.

Alice had left with Jack. _Alice_ had _left_ _with Jack_. Nope, emphasising certain words didn't make it any better.

She'd left with a guy that didn't deserve her trust. Someone who was using her for an unknown purpose and was two- timing her to boot, Which was puzzling in itself; who'd want a duchess when they have Alice?

And why the hell was Prince Poncy Pants so familiar?

Alice might be Jack's girl, undeserving prat that he was. But, saving Alice from jeopardy, fighting at her side. That was the Hatter's job.

—

Notes

'Appealing in a silly sort of wonderland way' is also from the Love Begins song.

So Close is from the Enchanted soundtrack.


	3. Chapter 3

_I give myself very good advice_

_But I very seldom follow it_

_That explains the trouble that I'm always in_

_Be patient, is very good advice_

_But the waiting makes me curious_

_And I'd love the change_

_Should something strange begin_

The Hatter was dead. The enormity of that utterly ridiculous statement made the clockwork of her brain come to a grinding halt.

He was one of the most utterly alive people she'd ever met. The man all but frothed with exuberant verve that spilled into everything that he said and did.

The last thing she remembered was the ceramic bunny headed lunatic dragging an abruptly not moving body. The hat comically staying on his head even as he was dragged away had made the image even more horrific. The only time she'd ever seen him immobile was when he was slumbering. Oh, God. Alice wished…that'd she had let him share the bed in the knights ruined castle, that she'd kissed when she had the chance, she wishes that she's _trusted _him.

Alice sat up gingerly and looked around her round prison. Her heart screamed out even as she grimly pushed back the waterfall of tears that wanted to flow.

The gaping, bleeding hole inside her left by the blasphemous four word sentence was icing over.

Was Charlie alright a still function part of her mind wondered. She hoped the knight was smart enough to run again. _It's meant to be. This time. This place. This meeting in the woods._

She stood and went to peer out of the cage's translucent red walls. There stood her father blinking inquisitively at the Queen.

She yelled demanding that he remember her, remember mom to come home and was rewarded with his blank stare. _The Carpenter said nothing but "The butter's spread too thick!"_ With a shrug the man who had been Robert Hamilton turned away from his only child. _I'll be right back jellybean._

She gasped as a couple of suites dragged Jack away. So, she was going to kill Jack. Oh, God. _You believe me? Don't you, Alice?_

Alice wished that she had the energy to hate the Queen. If anyone deserved to be hated with white hot fury it was that women. She'd taken away her father and turned him into her very own mad scientist, she had sentenced her own son to death, she'd taken away the Hatter (oh, Hatter). _Who are you? A friend. I hope. I run the teashop._

* * *

_Well, I went along my merry way_

_And I never stopped to reason_

_I should have known there'd be a price to pay_

_Someday...someday_

It had all collapsed. The tenuous house of cards that was Jack's life fell. He schooled his face into ridged stone as the Carpenter rejected Alice and doomed Wonderland.

His insides shattered as Alice quietly…broke.

How did it all go so wrong? Jack had wanted to make things better. Save Wonderland from the heavy hand of an abusive tyrant. That the tyrant himself was his mother was…just another tool. He tried not to dwell on that. And how like her it made him.

The Caterpillar had sent him to retrieve the girl. It seemed so straight forward.

The Other World, Earth as the oysters called it was not what he'd expected. It took his breath to see how different and how alike Wonderland it was. His mother had told him all his life how oysters weren't real people. Oh, how she'd lied. They were just…people. The only real difference seemed to be the earthling delusion that there was such a thing as normal.

She lied a lot his mum did. But, not mind you, about killing. By the time he'd left for Earth the Queen had beheaded, drowned, hanged, tortured thousands of people. Some for absurd reasons. She spilled mustard on my dress. He mooned me! The Knave of Hearts stole my tarts; Poor cousin, Reggie, eaten alive by ravenous bed bugs. She'd vanished so many people from his life. Cousin Reggie, his old nurse Merryweather, Auntie Gertrude, his page Dav…

His own pain and loss gave him the necessary empathy to figure out on his own that his mother turning their subjects into addicts and people from another world into nothing more then commodities was unequivocally _wrong_.

He'd collected Earth saying. A bird in the house is worth two in the bush. A watched pot never boils. All that is nessessary for evil to prosper is for good men to do nothing.

And he wanted to be a good man.

Jack also resolved not to get to close to anyone after he lost his page. And then Alice.

He thought the assignment would be simple. Find the girl. Bring the girl to the Carpenter and step back.

If only it were that simple.

Dav…the Hatter was in the clutches of Dee and Dum. Alice caged. And there was no way Mother was going to let him live.

Once again people he loved were in danger and there was nothing he could do. Well, there was one thing he could do for himself and the Hatter.

Alice would live.

* * *

_I give myself very good advice_

_But I very seldom follow it_

_Will I ever learn to do the things I should?_

_Will I ever learn to do the things I should?_

The Hatter sans hat and coat was tied to a chair in the Truth Room. The motif was darkness illuminated by fluid, unpleasantly sensuous, blobs of glowing eldritch green matched by a vomit-y green floor.

Mad March's goons had worked him over so he felt like an oliphaunt shod in iron tap shoes had done a rousing routine all over his person.

He'd didn't think anything was broken. His ribs all seemed to be in order. And his hat was gone. The sheer indignity of that would have to wait.

Alice was here somewhere. He had to find her. Saving Alice was the most important thing. In the world. This world _and_ the other world. Possibly, every world. Alice had all ready been hurt too much. He wouldn't allow her to be hurt any more.

And sigh, he supposed that he could let Prince Not Even Remotely Good Enough out while he was at it. He didn't imagine mummy was too pleased with her boy at the moment.

It says a good deal about a person that if he tied up, in the lair of sadistic and worse than that, imaginative torturers, that he could calmly plan an escape. In his case all the Hatter had to do was get his right hand free.

"Brains in the pot, they're beginning to boil," laughed Doctor Dee.

"This is my brother Doctor Dee," said Dum. "He is a lowdown, sorry old man."

Dee bowed. "It's true! This is my brother Doctor Dum. He'll stab you where you stand."

Dum smiled, "You flatter me sir."

Ah. Dee and Dum, in their stupid leather footie pajamas, who had rummaged around in Alice's mind poking at her most painful memories.

The Hatter wasn't worried. For all the tweedles were proud of there 'Certificates of Complete Insanity' he had a brand of crazy that made the two of them look positively reasonable.

The moment that he realized that 'like' was too pale and weak a description for his regard for Alice wasn't branded onto his memory. His new found madness that changed and defined his life and twisted it into unlikely shapes; Alice, everything he needed that he never knew he wanted, everything he wanted that he never knew he needed. It came so gradually, that he hardly knew where it began.

The twins looked over the tray of …devices was as good a word as any. Dee would touch one lovingly before moving on to the next.

"There are five different torture groups. Blunt, sharp, hot, cold and loud," Dum informed him helpfully.

The Hatter listened absently. What he, either of them had to say wasn't important; the rolling, billowing fog composed overwhelming sorrow with hints of betrayal, anger and rejection kitten footing its way into every room in the Happy Hearts Casino, now that grabbed and held his attention.

"We've discovered a sixth grouping. Isn't that exciting?" Dee continued.

The Hatter knew the distinct signature of this emotional outpouring. Alice. The taste of cinnamon and exotic fruit on his tongue, the feel of dewy petals on his skin and the clean vanilla-warm chocolate-lavender tea-field of flowers on a sunny day scent was unmistakable hers.

She had been hurt again. And she was alone.

He had to get his hand free.

"Electricity!" crooned Dum.

* * *

Notes

The Carpenter said nothing but "The butter's spread too thick!" is taken from The Walrus and the Carpenter.

Very Good Advice is from the Disney movie.

Oliphaunts are rather large pachyderms from Arda.

(Brains in the pot, they're beginning to boil

Tweedle-dee Dee is a lowdown, sorry old man

Tweedle-dee Dum, he'll stab you where you stand)

These lines are from Bob Dylan's 'Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum'

It came so gradually, that he hardly knew where it began. This is paraphrased from Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice.

Blunt, sharp, hot, cold and loud comes from the Angel episode Five by Five.

_She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted,  
She is everything I w__ant that I never knew I needed. ~She Is – The Fray_


	4. Chapter 4

Alice stood passively between the suites and numbly watched as oysters were harvested. No. Not oysters. People were stolen from their homes and families…

No. They couldn't. She gasped as two small blond girls were escorted from the mirror.

And then something fierce in Alice woke up.

The chilly numb stupor that she'd been in for the last hour abruptly disintegrated. And what Charlie would probably call 'righteous indignation' took over.

Alice, always, aways fought. She was not a sit at the sidelines of a situation and wait for someone else to deal with it. She was the person who stood when others couldn't. No matter the opposition, be it daleks, rogue mutants, undead minions, skrulls or physics finals. She stood.

The Queen wouldn't be allowed to do this.

By the time Alice was through no more families would be torn apart.

It took her approximately eight seconds to overcome the guards. Not that they posed much of a challenge.

Her father was trapped in his own mind. Jack needed rescuing. Charlie, wasn't going to run this time, she just knew it. And the Hatter…what if he was alive? She gasped as the notion overtook her even as she gauged the distance between her and those flamingo hoverbikes. If the Hatter were dead why would they take his body. _He could be alive._

She wouldn't give up on him.

* * *

A smile crept over Charlie's face. "Yess," he pulled out the word like warm taffy. He had an idea. An idea that's only shot of working lay in timing and the fact that her majesty regularly doses her suites with Docile which had the oh so convenient side effect of leaving the recipient as gullible as a drunken kitten.

* * *

Alice was flying, being chased by bad guys with guns and she didn't hate it.

"Whoohooo!"

* * *

The Hatter grinned down like the mythical Cheshire Cat at the body at his feet. This was the second time he'd killed the Queen's favorite assassin. The first time Mad March had been targeting families of Resistance members. Hopefully, he'd done this job right this time and this death would stick.

"Mad March? Can we have our toy back?"

The pasty faced twins came to a stop.

"Hi!" the Hatter smiled madly at their surprised expressions. "Want ta play?"

Dee got away.

Dum got a snapped neck.

* * *

As Sir Charles Eustace Fath'ringale Malvoi III assembled his army he shouted eloquent battle cries at the Happy Hearts Casino.

"Revenge is a dish best served with feta!" as he tied sinews together with bits of leather.

He clothed the skeletons of his people in chain mail and hoped they didn't mind the inconvenience, "For Wonderland and Alice of Legend!"

"Our day will come! Oo-Rah! All your base belongs to us!" at the last one he pause and scratched his head. He really had no idea where _that_ came from.

* * *

"Shelia?" the Hatter stared at the secretary. She was a small plump woman of 'a certain age' with a smallish nose in a wide face and lots of lavender hair on top of her head in an intricate bun and protuberant blue eyes behind gigantic glasses.

Shelia sniffed and held out a moist washcloth and in the other his leather jacket and more importantly his hat. "Hurry up, lad."

The Hatter shrugged and took the washcloth and wiped away the excess blood, "Why are you doing this Shelia?"

"Do I need a reason to help a cute boy in a silk shirt?"

The Hatter had absolutely no response for once in his life. His gaping mouth snapped shut and he shrugged on his jacket. And tried not to blush.

He flipped the porkpie hat on his head with a merry spin.

"Just one thing," Shelia fidgeted and held out a card. "Could you give this to Charlie? It's, ah…my number." She blushed.

The Hatter raised a brow and smiled widely. All right Charlie!

"Thanks, Shelia," and ran out the door.

* * *

The Duchess snuck out of her room and turned a corner. Naturally, she bumped into the king.

"Sire, I was just…"she sputtered.

The King of Hearts just smiled at her, "Going to let my son out of the dungeon?"

"Of course not!" the Duchess shook her head ruffling her glorious locks.

Once upon a time there was a very poor girl with four sisters and two brothers who was nonetheless very happy. One day the Queen of Hearts saw her playing and said 'That one' and her life changed. She was taken away to a grand castle which came complete with its own handsome prince.

The girl grew up with the knowledge that if she was good and did all that the queen required of her, her family would be taken care of. But, if she was bad…

So, she grew up in wealth and splendor and lost piece after piece of herself to it. The girl was careful with the teas and tried not to become addicted after she overdosed on 'Beauty, Confidence, and Cunning. Her features were permanently altered and she'd never see the girl that she used to be looking back at her in the mirror.

The king patted her hand, "Yes, you are." He smiled cheerily at her. "My sweet wife likes to ignore things she doesn't like or understand. You see, my dear, she's up against narrative causality."

"Narrative causality?" wondered the Duchess.

The king nodded, "Stories want to happen a certain way. Things must happen when it is time for them to happen. A girl named Alice is here in Wonderland. And she's ignoring what that means. The girl even teamed up with our son and a Mad Hatter. And if that isn't destiny then I'm a monkey's second cousin's ex-wife's uncle." He shrugged, "So, here's the codes to open the Eye Room. And take this key."

The key was heavy swirling cast iron with rough hearts carved in. "It goes to a door in the old Citadel of Hearts."

The Duchess absently took the key, "Do you think they can do it? Jack and Alice. Save Wonderland I mean?"

The king shrugged, "It's a million to one chance and million to one chances crop up nine times out of ten."

He hugged her briefly and pressed a kiss to the top of her forehead, "Now go. And save Jack."

* * *

The eyes looked at Jack. Jack looked back. 'All of Wonderland will see who you really are' is what Mother had said. He wasn't sure what that meant. It sounded terribly intrusive.

And what was with the breast feeding thing. It wasn't enough to sentence him to death she had to be appallingly embarrassing at the same time?

Jack wondered what those eyes saw when he looked at him. Was it real or some kind of illusion?

As it happened it was very real. Only all of Wonderland was something of a misnomer.

It was far more accurate to say that Wonderland itself was watching him. The prince felt like someone was weighing his heart against a feather.

* * *

There were five hulking suits in front of him. The Hatter quirked a brow, "Is there something gents?"

The Eight of Spades cracked his knuckles. "Four against one, this won't take long."

"Whooo," The Hatter let out a long amused breath. He wagged an admonishing finger at them, "Never," he tisked at them. "Never tell me the odds." As it happened, the Hatter was under a good deal of stress and this looked like…fun.

If Alice had been present she would have made references to the WWE (she was a fan), the song 'Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting', even if they really weren't, curb stomping, that did happen, and the Conservation of Ninjutsu with no ninjas in sight.

It didn't take long; after all, the Hatter was in a hurry.

He looked up from the quivering masses of flesh on the floor. The fog of sadness was gone replaced by essence of 'Alice in a Temper.' And what'd ya know it was coming from the direction of the most concentrated chaos.

He rather suspected that she'd usually be found in whatever the most dangerous place to be happened to be. Just follow the shouting.

* * *

Alice stared at the Hatter as if he'd come back from the dead. Her large expressive eyes turning a muted blue green, the disbelieving look accompanied by the sudden warm elation leaking off her perfect skin.

And then she was in his arms. It was the best moment. Ever. Alice was warm, safe and alive. For forever, for a few seconds he basked in the sweet muddle of her confused emotions, relief, joy, friendship, passion. Wait. Passion?

Mostly he basked in her general existence.

She trusted him. Finally, Alice trusted the Hatter. 'Completely,' was now the most beautiful word in the world.

No? Again?

* * *

The Walrus fell. The Hatter shot the Walrus. goo goo g'joob.

Seven shots for the fat bastard that shot Alice's father, seven shots for trying to shoot Alice.

The Hatter rather suspected that while Alice could handle herself, he'd always have a berserk, homicidal response towards whoever tried to hurt her. He could work with that!

* * *

Alice let the Hatter pull her away from the fallen body of Robert Hamilton, Ph.D lost husband and father.

What was she going to tell mom. Oh, God. Mom. Daddy disappearing had nearly broken her mom. Dimly, she noticed that Hatter was leading her out of the building at a fast pace.

The Hatter. Someone, she trusted. Completely. And more amazingly it was true, without reservations or conditions. How did that happen?

What was she going to do? With any of this? How could she find her way when she had turned into a different person without noticing it?

* * *

Notes

I knew there was a reason Charlie's army of the immobile dead actually worked.

Yes, daleks. She had a curly headed fellow with a long scarf sub for her fourth grade class. It was memorable.

Dawn Summers was Alice's high school roommate. Almost every Tuesday without fail something would happen.

Skrulls are bad guy Marvel-verse aliens.

See the Discworld for narrative causality and Million to one chances.

Having your heart weighed against a feather is from Egyptian mythology.

The Han Solo quote had to be done.

Alice is kinda a tropher. Hee.

Our day will come! Is the battle cry of the IRA

Oo-rah is the battle cry of the US Marine Corps.

I can work with that! Is the semi-official motto of the fabulous web comic Girl Genius.

goo goo g'joob sorry couldn't resist.


	5. Chapter 5

The throng shouted in jubilation at the sight of the ring in Alice's grip. Okay, so the newly liberated earthlings were unsure as to why they were shouting in jubilation. _Wonderland? Seriously?_ They knew instinctively that the angry little Queen in red _not_ having the ring was a very good thing.

Alice tapped the Hatter on the shoulder. He turned slowly. Seeing who it was his face lit up in a tentative smile. "Hello, Alice." His voice was low and uncharacteristically shy.

"I could use that hug now," Alice confessed with dewy eyes and a tired upwards curl of mouth.

The Hatter regarded her solemnly before pulling her into his warm embrace. Alice dissolved into his arms with a sigh. She was too weary for tears. Those would come later. Now, all that she wanted to do was rest.

The Hatter pressed a kiss to the top of her dark locks, "So, it seems tha' Alice of Legend has come back."

Alice let out a tired laugh remembering the bordering on scornful way he'd said 'Alice. Of Legend' when they had first met.

"I'm not her," she murmured into his chest.

"Sure, about that luv?" The Hatter replied.

"Hmmm?" it was naturally the Prince who was clearing his throat regarding them both with a bemused smile. "Am I interrupting?"

The dark, why don't you just go _away_ glare that the Hatter threw him stated explicitly, that yes, he was indeed interrupting.

Alice's reaction was a small jutting out of her lower lip in what he imagined was disappointment.

"Oh," she held out the ring. "Here ya go. Such a small thing to make so much trouble."

Jack took the ring, "All of Wonderland is in your debt," and bowed regally at her.

Alice smiled and bowed back in the correct martial arts fashion.

The Hatter's expression when Prince Jack of Hearts bowed to him was something Jack regretted not being able to frame.

Alice looked from the increasingly more animated former oysters, "Jack you might want to start getting these people home before they remember that they're New Yorkers and get pissed off."

Jack blanched. "I didn't think of that."

"You treacherous princeling," crowed the Queen who'd broken free of the Ten of Clubs and stood in front of her son. She slapped him. "Sharper then a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child!"

The Hatter's hands found there way to Alice's shoulders. She smiled gratefully at their warmth and strength.

"And you," the Queen of Hearts turned a gimlet eye on Alice. "You brazen hussy of a girl. You've ruined everything!"

Alice smiled amiably, "Isn't the most powerful woman in all of literature, in fact, The Childlike Empress?"

The queen snarled and raised her hand to strike.

"Touch me," Alice said flatly to the women who'd kidnapped and brainwashed her father, "Touch me and I'll break your hand."

Neither, Hatter nor Prince doubted it as it was Alice's 'It can be arranged voice.'

Nor did the Queen doubt it, she hurriedly lowered her hand.

Jack sighed. And looked from his remaining parent to the throng of servants, subjects, freed oysters, freed resistance fighters (he suspected Shelia, secretary and spy who trained him, was responsible for that) and came to a decision. His mother was due a trial, Jack supposed. Although, he rather doubted she'd survive to be judged. What to do…?

"Hear me, people of Wonderland!"

Alice started. Jack's voice rang in meadow like he was speaking into a loud speaker. He sounded positively royal.

"I now pass judgment on this woman. Katharine, Queen of Hearts and of Wonderland."

"What's he up to?" whispered the Hatter.

Kate Heart turned as red as her dress in rage, "How dare you?"

"Katharine Heart, you stand accused of crimes foreign and domestic. You have debased yourself and your kingdom in the pursuit of pleasure.

You have taken and violated those who couldn't fight back."

The former Queen flinched at the steely ring in his voice. "Jack, I only ever did what I thought was best."

"You have violated the public trust by wringing dry those whom you swore to serve. And finally there is the blood on your hands and on the ground that demands justice."

He smiled grimly, "Madam, you are due a trial. But I find myself conflicted. The evidence against you is overwhelming and you would surely be sentenced to death."

The Queen went pale. Opened her mouth to speak and just went silent.

"Do you really think that the Resistance would let you live? I know for a fact that Dodo has plans for you. Plans that involve volcano ants, a half starved jabberwok kit, five pounds of tapioca pudding and a red-hot poker." Jack informed her. His mum didn't make friends easily.

"Do I even want to know?" Alice asked the Hatter.

"A world of no."

"As I don't fancy following your example and spilling family blood, thus garnering the attention of the Kindly Ones, I will dispense with all formalities and pass sentence now." Jack Heart smiled pleasantly. Showing all his teeth.

"Katharine Heart, Once and Never Ever Again Queen. You are hereby banished from Wonderland, never to return, to Earth, a place where _none_ will ever take you seriously again. You'll be checked in Claymore Hospital, a mental institution where you will spend the rest of your days in relative comfort but with no power whatsoever. Even over yourself." Jack's judgment rang like a death knell.

"So, let it be written, so let it be done," Said Alice. She radiated approval at Jack.

The Hatter's smile was icy cold and bleakly approving as the women who'd slaughtered his family was relieved of the thing she cherished most. "He'll do."

* * *

"I'm sorry about the creepy petting," it was the Duchess who blurted her apology into Alice's startled face.

Alice took a step back into her personal bubble. The Duchess had changed out of her gold Vegas showgirl gown into a darkish periwinkle and mauve go-go dancer outfit and was looking at her with wide green eyes.

"Um," Alice said.

The Duchess shook herself like a wet cat; "I was expected to act in a certain way…" she trailed off with an unhappy pout.

Alice nodded slowly, "Its okay." She hoped her smile was reassuring.

"And I hope you know I didn't mean what I said about your appearance," The Duchess continued earnestly.

Alice looked around for an escape. The Hatter and Jack just stood there listening like this conversation was the most amusing thing they'd ever seen. She narrowed her eyes at them.

"Creepy petting?" mouthed the Hatter at Jack. Jack shrugged.

The Duchess bit her lip anxiously, "You're really very lovely. I'm an expert in beauty." And really, the Duchess was an expert in beauty. So, she'd know.

She'd evaluated her competition when they first met.

Alice had a fresh, unspoiled look about her. Her figure was a trim as a lioness on the prowl, her movements graceful like a swan and like a swan dangerous under the white feathers. Her skin was like white peach flesh, her hair a river of cinnamon and mahogany, her features a mix between the strong and the delicate. And then there was the ocean glory of her eyes.

If the Duchess was as 'splendid as the noon day sun a summer's day' as one admirer had assured her she was then Alice, if she were any judge, was as wondrous as light of evening and morning on the best day of your life.

Though that had more to do with how the girl's soul shined out of her body like the glow of a lamp.

Now she couldn't even find it in herself to resent her competition. Much. A heroine would be the perfect match for Jack.

But, it looked as if it was not to be, if the looks dripping with longing that she shared with the be-hatted fellow were anything to go on.

Impulsively, she stuck out a hand, "My name is Rosalie."

Alice smiled and took it in her own. "Hello, Rosalie."

* * *

"Where is he? And what was with the Army of Just Standing Around Dead?" groused the Hatter. "What is he? Mad?"

Alice decided that last question was non-rhetorical. "Too much sanity may be madness, and the maddest of all is to see the world as it is and not as it should be," she replied with a line that totally caught Charlie's spirit.

The Hatter shoved the brim of his hat back. He stood a little straighter as the words settled into his spine. "Is that from something famous? If not then it should be."

Alice and the Hatter found Charlie sprawled out, all akimbo, behind a large be-wheeled crossbow thing.

"How'd the hell did he get this stuff from the lost city to here?" The Hatter wondered.

Alice reassured that the knight had a pulse shrugged, "The Dark Arts, maybe?"

The Hatter took of his hat and ran a hand through his wild hair, "Yeah, that's as good an explanation as any. Though I don't see how toenail reading would have helped him lug it all."

"Although in Charlie's case, I don't think he has it in him for the actual Dark Arts. He's too nice; maybe, the Off-White Arts or the Baby Blue Arts."

"Or the Plaid Arts or the Chartreuse Poke a Dotted Arts," The Hatter chimed in.

"Also, again. Not deaf," croaked Charlie.

"Hiya, Charlie," the Hatter waved impishly at him.

"Harbinger," Charlie nodded graciously. "I'm not unpleased to see you alive."

"Thanks! I think?"

"Good to see you, Charlie." Alice pulled him up and gave him a short hard hug.

"Alice of Legend," he paused as she scrunched up her face. "Yes, yes I know…Just Plain Alice." He and the Hatter rolled their eyes at each other over her head. She was neither just anything nor plain.

"Thank you, for more than I could ever express," the White Knight said gravely.

Alice was grateful that Charlie didn't go into one of his 'speeches.'

"Before, I forget." With a flourish the Hatter pulled a small business card out of Charlie's ear.

Gingerly, the knight accepted. He held it away from his person with two fingers. "What is it?"

"It's Shelia's number." The Hatter waggled his eyebrows at the suddenly pink as a pink thing knight.

* * *

Alice hugs Jack goodbye. It's a goodbye that encompassed the life that could have been. It would have been a good life. She knows this. The person she was before Wonderland had touched her would have made Jack a good wife. Maybe.

The person she is now is more concrete then the one she was before. Always, unbeknownst to her, she'd always been fantastic. A mix of light and dark, serious and silly, logical and emotional that'd had fascinated people.

Wonderland had fused all those fragmented bits into one cohesive whole.

Maybe. The thing was this. She'd was more than reasonably sure that Jack might have only been the one if, well…there were no laughing brown eyes in the wings.

Alice felt her attraction to Jack fade away leaving only affection.

She felt her smile slip when Jack got this look, this 'I know something you don't know look,' when she'd said she wanted something else. That look had always driven her crazy.

"Hey, a bit of advice for the king?" Alice grinned at him like he was an old friend.

"By all means."

Alice tilted her chin and said, "With great power, comes great responsibility."

Jack smiled down at her with wistful resignation, "I'll remember that one."

* * *

Alice was leaving. The Hatter was torn between unbearable pained sorrow and gleeful relief. She wasn't going to marry Jack!

He could feel the copious emotions swirling off her skin leaving him dizzy and a bit tipsy. The Hatter could make out the sea salt sting of sadness, the green tea tinge of relief and the lemon zest of victory right off.

"Trying-not-to-think-about-it," he rushed.

He could feel the strings of emotion leading from her to Jack, Charlie and himself.

For Charlie, Alice had fresh bread camaraderie and an adopted granddaughter's blueberry muffin adoration.

For Jack, cinnamon candy attraction and sweet berry pie affection fading into an easy gingerbread friendship. That was good! Internally, he did a little happy dance.

"Anyways, I was wanting to say…goodbye." In fact goodbye was the last thing he wanted to say to her. The Hatter had billion words on the tip of his tongue just waiting to spill forth in eloquent sentences. 'Stay with me; take me with you' being foremost amongst them.

"Goodbye?" Alice accompanied her crinkling brow with a disbelieving smile and the lemon drop of disappointment.

"And if, you know, ever fancied going back?" He asked hopefully.

Alice gave him an uncertain smile. "You want me to stay?"

"Hell no! No. You, I think you should go home?" He said reluctantly. Was it just him or did the lemon drop feeling get stronger?

"Yeah. Uh, I think I've had enough of Wonderland for a lifetime." She concluded. That was only half true. It was amazing how much non existent control the woman had over her emotions. They flowed everywhere. As if you couldn't tell just from watching her face.

"Yes, I am sure you have. Right?" This had to be the most awkward conversation they'd ever had. They'd bickered, and laughed, and yelled at each other often. They'd haven't done awkward before and frankly he thought they could have done without.

"Still, we ah, had a laugh. Ya know. Had some good times. Obviously, among all the bad times." The Hatter stumbled over the words.

"Yeah. Yeah, we did," she admitted with a pensive laugh.

A long awkward pause settled over them.

"Oh um. Yeah," she looked down at herself and shrugged of the wine dark velvet coat.

He didn't want her to give it back. She looked ravishing in velvet. And besides it made him feel good that she was wearing something of his, it was like holding her in his arms. Vicariously, like. "Ya didn't have ta…brilliant. Thank you. That's good.

"So, we should…?" The Hatter made vague hugging gestures.

They embraced all too briefly.

"Ya know, you could always visit my world?" she looked up at him through her dark lashes. "You might like it." Hope colored her words.

"Yeah!" He stared at her. Did she really mean that? "We could, we could do pizza." He said the last word with the worst American accent she'd ever heard.

Alice nodded, "And lots of other things." Her voice had gone lower and several degrees warmer.

The Hatter drew in a breath. What did that mean? Elaborate, Alice.

But, then a technician was leading her away to the mirror. It was only then did the Hatter allow himself to indulge in her feelings for him. The Hatter nearly toppled over, far too many melting together in a whirlwind of sensation.

Before the Hatter could take a step forward to say anything; she was tumbling through the mirror taking his battered heart with her.

Jack sighed, his heart constricting a bit and turned from the mirror. And winced as he caught the Hatter's wreaked expression. The currently uncrowned king remembered that face well.

The Hatter shut his eyes tightly, "That's that then." He turned to go.

Jack strode forward, "David!"

The Hatter stopped in his tracks.

On top of everything else, years of suppressed memories bubbled up. He paused then hurried away.

Jack groaned. "Charlie," he called.

The knight who had watched this with a sinking feeling trotted forward, "Sire?"

"Follow him," Jack indicated the leather clad back of the retreating Hatter. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Charlie bowed, "As much as I am able." He followed the Hatter into the afternoon sun.

* * *

Notes

The One Ring of Power is described by Boromir as being 'such a small thing'

Volcano ants are the Wonderland equivalent of Earth fire ants. The most distinctive difference being that volcano ants are actually made of fire.

The Kindly Ones (a translation of the Greek Eumenides, "kind-hearted") is a euphemistic reference to the Furies in Greek mythology… you don't want their attention. They feature prominently in Neil Gaiman's Sandman.

Claymore Hospital is featured in the movie 'Girl Interrupted.'

'So, let it be written, so let it be done' is from the movie The Ten Commandments.

"Too much sanity may be madness, and the maddest of all is to see the world as it is and not as it should be." -Don Quixote

I got the name Rosalie from Rosalie Hale, the most beautiful vampire of them all.

With great power, comes great responsibility. — Uncle Ben, Spider-Man


	6. Chapter 6

When Charlie caught up with the Hatter also possibly known as 'David,' he was in his teahouse, two drinks, ah one drink away from drunk. At least he wasn't into the teas, thought the knight.

He strongly smelt of fermented apples…so scumble. It was made out of apples. Mostly apples. And on no account should it ever come into contact with metal.

He was dancing about with his shirt sleeves rolled up, singing the Hedgehog song while smashing bottled essences. "Oooohh, the jubjub bird if you have a hula hoop, the jabberwok if you've got a cattle prod and a jar of marmalade, but the hedgehog can never be…"

There was a whimper and the White Knight noticed a mustached, mouse man shivering in the corner. Occasionally, the mouse man would let out a whimper.

"Hiya! Charlie boy, what's up?" The Hatter paused.

Charlie pursed his lips looking around the shop. "I was…in the neighborhood." He lied.

"Oh. I thought my brother might 'ave sent ya. Want a drink?"

Charlie thought a moment and nodded. He accepted a shot of the gently steaming liquid and regarded him thoughtfully. "Your brother?"

The Hatter smiled wildly, "Yep," emphasis on the p. Alice's startled eyes when he'd don't that flashed before his eyes and he took a hurried sip. "Yeah, it turns out that I had a bunch of memories that just weren't there. I knew the queen had my family killed. What, I didn't know…" he snorted. "Now, this… this is funny stuff. I was Prince Inbred Show Dog's page."

"Once upon a time, Jack-Jack was for all intents and purposes my big brother. And then he wasn't. I was suddenly out on the streets by my lonesome and a headache from overdosing on Forgetfulness."

Charlie took that in. Ohhh boy. And he thought the lad had issues before. "And you remember now?"

"Oh. Yes."

Charlie took a sip and tried not to howl as liquid fire burned his throat linings. "And David is your given name."

"David Maurice Harrison Write at your service sir," David the Hatter, introduced himself with an elegant bow - hat trick combo.

"Ah."

Charlie sudden found himself up close and personal with a bottle of clear liquid, "Know what this is? This is Clear Conscious. I was looking for away to contaminate the stuff…but now there is no need." He merrily smashed the bottle.

Mouse man who'd been trying to disappear into the woodwork squeaked. "He's gone mad!" He ran out of the teashop.

The Hatter spun in a circle and informed the room at large, "Half of what we call madness is just some poor slob dealing with pain by a strategy that annoys the people around 'im."

"How are you?" Charlie asked politely.

"Never better," the Hatter said cheerily.

"Hmmm." A lengthy pause and then, "Liar!" he leapt to the feet and faced the Hatter. "Emotional Handicap!"

"Handicapable, thank you," was the reply.

Charlie growled at him, "Are you still speaking tosh? If so then you are a marvelously articulate chimp."

The Hatter gave him thumbs up, "Fantastic! That one really had a sting to it."

The White Knight slumped, "Harbinger, I only can only say this. It is alright for you to grieve for what you've lost. And as someone who cares what happens to you I am prepared to hound your silly arse."

The Hatter tilted his head. It was the nicest thing the knight had ever said to him, "I can't. If, I stop to think about it. Well, it will eat me up. And I 'aven't got the time."

The White Knight considered this, "Two things then. One. If the Prince were truly your brother he would have had nothing to do with your family's deaths. You should hear what he has to say."

The Hatter snorted. "And what's through door number two?"

"Alice."

The Hatter's bloodshot brown eyes widened and he went from looking like a drunken loon to a hurt child.

"Alice waits for you on the other side of the mirror. She wants you to come. I heard her say it myself. And we both know that she's not in the habit of saying things she does not mean." The knight gave him an arch look. "Faint heart never won fair lady." He patted the boy on the shoulder, "You never know? Where Prince Charming has failed, perhaps Mr. Write has a shot."

With humor, "What an awful pun!" came hope in the Hatter's chest. For the first time in what seemed like decades the Hatter could breathe.

* * *

"I finished the list," the Hatter swept into the royal office. And flopped boneless-ly down onto a chair. The Citadel of Hearts was the Hatter decided was a huge improvement of the gaudy glitz of the Casino.

For one it was an actual castle complete with fortifications and turrets and towers with bright flags, the Heart colors in red, white and black was no surprise. The green, purple and gold of Wonderland were a welcome surprise. The message the crimson and ivory of the Kingdom of the Knights sent was one that would have horrified the Queen Mother.

The walls were constructed of sturdy stone and the furniture wasn't plastic. He'd caught a glimpse of the throne room, all stark simplicity and lots of bunting. The throne on the dais was a burgundy leather wingback chair.

The royal office was all hard angles and embroidered seat cushions. The King was going casual in slacks and a white sweater.

Jack looked up. He looked equal parts pleased and pissed off to see him. "Oh, good you're here. When you didn't come to the coronation I had half a mind to send a search party."

The Hatter shrugged. He was wearing a dark blue silk shirt with silver buttons, black slacks, a black silk top hat and…the dark burgundy velvet jacket he'd given Alice.

He'd ignored and did not open the gold gilded envelope that housed the official collectors' edition invitation to the royal coronation in favor of taking a nap.

He'd gotten the blasted thing after returning from the Kingdom of the Knights where he and Charlie had laid to rest the body of Robert Hamilton to rest. Charlie had honored the father of a legend with the ancient burial chants of his people.

Absently, the Hatter stroked the sleeve of the velvet jacket. "It was an invitation not an order. I've only come now because you 'requested and required' my charming presence. I assumed you wanted the list…"

Jack's face was blank. "The list?"

The Hatter rolled his eyes, "Charlie." That interfering old… "He wanted us to talk." He fumed for a moment before fishing a scroll out of his pocket. "A list of every warehouse, storage facility and secret stash of emotion tea that I know about or have heard rumors about, also, every purveyor and customer I've ever done business with. I suppose you could still get some use out of it."

He tossed the scroll to the king who pulled away the green ribbon and shook it out. It uncurled all the way across the room. "Yes. Thank you. This shall be a great help."

The Hatter stood, "Brilliant. I'll just be off then."

"David."

The Hatter groaned and sat back down with a plop.

"Charlie tells me that you remember," Jack looked at him.

The Hatter shifted uncomfortably. It was the dreaded 'we're going to have a talk young man voice.' He didn't want to remember that voice. It made him feel like a misbehaving nine year old.

"Yeah, what of it," The Hatter snapped.

The King rubbed his nose tiredly, "David, I did not idly watch your family die and abandon you."

The Hatter shrugged.

"My mother had me dosed and when I came out of it, it was done. I thought you were dead." Jack said sadly.

David bit his lower lip, "Why am I still alive?"

"Father was able to spare you. He dosed you with Forgetfulness and took you from the Casino."

"Why? Why would he do that?" demanded the Hatter.

"Because, I loved you."

"Oh." There really no response to that.

"I passed the Ordeal of Rule," Jack fiddled with a pencil and seemingly changed the subject.

The Ordeal of Rule was the trial that any prospective sovereign in Wonderland had to take. Once upon a time it had been mandatory. You went naked and defenseless into the Center of Wonderland. And it would judge you. It weighed, measured, and if you were found wanting driving you insane was the kindest thing it could do.

He _had_ been watched by Wonderland in the Eye Room.

Interestingly enough, his mother never undertook the trial. Neither for the Kingdom of Hearts nor for Wonderland, it explained much about her reign.

It was the worse thing he'd ever experienced.

The Hatter ceased to slouch and peered with concerned at his monarch. "Are you okay?"

Jack shrugged and smiled a bit. David, didn't hate him as much as he feared, "I'll live."

"With the giggling, conniving, insatiable, cuckoo clock voice of Wonderland in your actual head?"

Jack shrugged, "My perspective is somewhat _different_ than it was. Yes." The King grabbed a really thick file and pursued it. He nearly laughed when the Hatter gaped like a hooked flounder when he spied his name and various aliases.

"Let's see, you conned your way into St. Lala Wards Boarding School for Extremely Well-Off Young Men at the age of ten?"

The Hatter shrugged, "What of it. After a month on the street I came to the inescapable conclusion that I didn't like it."

Jack made his way through the thick file stopping to recount an interesting antidote about his life. "You managed to get a double degree in economics and applied criminal physiology from Carroll College while at the same time training with the Mock Turtle in the Resistance and the odd occasional assassination?"

Some of the assassinations had been very odd. The one that involved the stapler, the black currant jam and the slinky really stayed with you.

David squirmed and made a show of examining his rings, a silver band etched with little tea cups that had belonged to his grandmother and a thumb ring that warned of incoming danger, "Maybe."

"Then there's this bit where the Cheshire Cat, the _mythical_ Cheshire Cat gave you your sledgehammer?"

"Why! How! do you know this?" cried the Hatter.

"I asked Shelia to look into it." Shelia could find just about anything.

The Hatter growled.

"Come with me," reluctantly he followed the King into the smallish library attached to the office.

"Read all these books," Jack ordered him.

The Hatter looked slowly from him to the piles of books that were just everywhere and back again.

"My ambassador to Earth is going to need to know a bit about the customs," Jack grinned at his flabbergasted appearance.

"You're sending me to the Other World?" The Hatter tugged at his ear a bit to see if it was faulty and needed to be returned to the ear store.

Jack leaned against the table, "Oh, like you wouldn't have cracked eventually. Charlie says that you go and stare at the mirror for a half hour every three days."

The Hatter's face went blank. Jack was right. It could be days or an hour and he would _have_ to follow her. Or go mad. And not in a fun way.

Jack lowered his voice. "I'll always love her." The Hatter glared at him. "But, with some time and distance I won't be in love with her."

The Hatter's expression was flat. Not be in love with Alice. Yeah, pull the other one mate.

"You on the other hand…it's something of a different story. Isn't it? " Perspective had changed his outlook. He had inadvertently abandoned David and he had used Alice. Jack had failed two people that he'd loved.

And oh, David was blushing. He hadn't even put what he felt for the girl into words yet.

Jack would never have the relationship he'd had with his brother, Alice would never truly trust him again. And there was only one thing he could to make it right. Give them each other.

In retrospect, you could see how alike they both were; two defensive, distrusting, trouble magnets that needed looking after.

The Hatter gave him a sharp glance. He couldn't talk. He just couldn't. The rushing in his ears was too much. Was this some strange dream? Or an alternate universe that'd he stumbled into? Was he due for his annual psych exam?

He missed her. It was the thought that lulled him to sleep at night and awoke with him in the morning. He was only half alive without Alice.

"And then of course is the pressing reason I need you at Alice's side," Jack continued.

"Lay it on me, Jack-Jack," The Hatter sat down carefully on the table raising an inquisitive brow.

Jack smiled at the old nickname and sighed, "Wonderland loves Alice. And so it's seen fit to reward her."

David the Hatter's mouth fell open. That was terrifying news. Wonderland even when it felt like being _nice_ was still completely insane and its presents weren't always good for you. "Elaborate," he croaked.

"It's made Alice its champion. She carries its magic inside of her. Some of the changes you won't mind. She'll have our kind of life span, be extra durable."

The Hatter perked up at the last too. Alice would live for a very, very long time. Hmmm. Yes, he liked that. Now what's the catch? "What's the catch?"

"Danger, responsibilities, outliving her friends and family," Jack said. "The mirror will need to be guarded so she can come back whenever she wants or needs to. Wonderland will demand her presence on occasion." Jack sighed. And _didn't_ tell the Hatter that Wonderland loved him too; Alice was Wonderland's Champion and the Hatter was hers. It was fitting.

The Hatter considered this for a moment. Alice, who on her own attracted trouble like old sheets attracted moths, was now full of the chaotic magic of Wonderland. Wow. He thought she needed a keeper before.

He missed her.

The Hatter looked at the piles and piles of books, "Where do I start?"

* * *

The Hatter wandered out into the garden with the excessive purple flowers with a pile of books under one arm. Jack had chased him out of the library after he didn't come for at least three meals. The King had all but ordered him to get some fresh air.

After, going through the mismatched textbooks on earth history, the Hatter could only conclude that Alice came from an extremely screwed up world. The barmy place always seemed to be at war. The sooner he got to her side the better.

Then there was the pile of literature. The English stuff that an Englishmen was expected to have read, Dickens, Shakespeare, Austin, Wilde, Mallory. Douglass and Pratchett who were just brilliant. Charlie had proclaimed them both great philosophers and laughed long and merrily upon discovering where Alice got the 42 thing. Ulysses by James Joyce was the most sensible thing he'd read in a long time.

And that was just England!

All very good reads that grabbed you by your synapses until they burrowed into your sub-conscious; Jack was smart enough to have a lot of copies printed off to be put into circulation. Wonderlanders loved a good story and the infusion would go a long way to fixing the suddenly standing still economy.

Jack had plans for Wonderland.

_He recalled a conversation they'd had a few days ago._

"_An' what were you planning on doing about all the really unhappy tea addicts. You'll 'ave riots in the streets if you're not careful," observed the Hatter._

_Jack's ice blue eyes had positively twinkled. Jack shouldn't twinkle. It was creepy. He held up a finger and dragged the Hatter to a room with a small contraption that looked many miles a head of currant technology. The Hatter could only conclude that it was from Earth. _

_The King was all about updating the tech. He'd gone into raptures over portable phones. Which, the Hatter had to agree were very cool._

"_What is it?"_

"_A CD player. It plays recorded music." The King selected a thin plastic square and opened it to reveal a shiny round thing. "Here we still use records." He slipped it into the player. "You've heard Alice sing. What did you think of the songs?"_

_The Hatter tried not to think about what he thought of Alice singing. It made him warm and bubbly inside. Instead he focused on the music itself. The nonsense song had made him want to sing along and when he went haring after Alice and was forced to ride through the Garden Tomb, the song she left made his heart all bittersweet and his eyes well up with unshed tears._

"_You want to replace the tea with stuff that'll make people feel on the own," concluded the Hatter. "Like stories. And music."_

_Jack nodded. "Listen, to this." He pushed play. _

_The music filled the room with dreamy romance. Why couldn't Alice be here? Then they could dance._

"_Tchaikovsky. The Sleeping Beauty Waltz." Jack closed his eyes and swayed a bit. "Here music just pops up here and there. There are people who compose in their spare time and some who play instruments but, it isn't a career path. On Earth, music is an industry, a culture all it's own that permeates the place." _

_His eyes snapped back open. "Hell, in the last few hundred years so much of our culture has been lost. Including, our music. Our literature is preserved thanks to your family. And the efforts of Griffin have saved our treasures."_

"_We need to replace the tea with something real. Music, stories, art, acting…unfortunately we seem to have lost the knack for making it. I'm going to need you to find people who'd be willing to make a new life for themselves in another world; doctors, scientists, teachers, musicians, actors, artists."_

_The Hatter gave him a wry look, "So, you want to go from oyster harvesting to what?"_

_His monarch cum rival cum brother shrugged, "I need people to help make Wonderland real again. And such people must come of their own will. Not stolen. It's the only way it could work." _

He curled up like a cat on the bench and decided on 'The Wealth of Nations.' From what he could tell about their economy it wasn't so much based on gold but the promise and dream of gold. The Hatter could work with dreams.

"Glorious! Shelia, you should let your hair down more often," Came Charlie's voice.

The Hatter paused and carefully put the book down and wandered over to peer behind a lilac bush pruned into the shape of a gigantic duck. Charlie was sitting _very_ closed to a transformed Shelia.

She wasn't dressed like someone's nearsighted great aunt, but instead wore an empire waist-ed thing of pale blue with white rose's buds embroidered over it. Her hair was taken down and fell past her feet in lavender curls and waves.

The knight reached out and wrapped a curl around his finger, "And silkier then an emperors bedding."

Shelia giggled coyly before jumping him. A crash descended on the garden as the knight's ever present armor met the ground in a great bang.

The Hatter smiled. Charlie was getting his woo on. He picked up his books and decided to move to the 'Garden of Alien Delights' which was on the other side of the citadel.

* * *

It was no surprise that the Hatter stole Alice's file. It was inevitable from the greedy look that lit up his eyes when he'd saw it. Jack should have known that the disinterested grunt was just a ruse.

He was looking through the pictures that began with Robert's faded wallet photo of ten year old Alice and her cat. "Awww," he looked furtively around hoping that nobody saw his descent into mushiness.

The Hatter's smile grew dreamy as he looked at the list of her various accomplishments and rewards.

"You could have just asked to it," Jack said with a smile.

David nodded absently, "Could have done. But this. Stealing it was more fun."

Jack thought about sputtering in exasperation. "Informative?"

"Yeah. Yes. You've got lots of good facts to know. But, where are the bits where she was dangled from tall buildings by supervillians?"

Jack felt his blood first go cold and then rush to his head. "What?" he did not squeak. Kings did not squeak. He knew that theoretically that in New York that such things were possible. He just never thought they'd happened to Alice.

"Happens about seven times a year," he peered at Jack's pale face. "Never told you, did she?" The Hatter tried not to sound smug. He lost. "Or about the times she's been kidnapped by shape shifting aliens or ninjas?"

"Hatter."

"Yeah."

"Read faster."

* * *

Dodo watched the video of the Queen Mothers stay at an earthly insane asylum with barely concealed glee.

Mrs. Heart, no longer her majesty was dressed in soft pajamas and was yelling loudly that she was 'Queen of all Wonderland' and must be obeyed was being completely ignored at the nurse laughed at her. And she'd bee sure to feel the emotions of all the depressives, psychotics and maniacs! It was _glorious_.

He'd been a bit put out with the new king. Jack of Hearts had the gall to fail to live up to his expectations. Dodo, prided himself on always being right was proven…_wrong_. The prince wasn't supposed to be a Resistance Operative; he wasn't supposed to prove himself a worthy ruler. The Ordeal of Rule had utterly ruined his plans for 'the Republic of Wonderland. How dare he!

And to then pass sentence on his utter bitch of a mother before he was even king? Dodo, had the mother of temper tantrums.

He'd so been looking forward to his tapioca pudding plan. But, this was even better. Queenie was to be tortured everyday. For the rest of her life.

Not that it made him complacent. He'd be watching his new sovereign like an nosey housewife spying on her neighbors.

"Would you like a copy," Jack asked solicitously.

"Yes! Please!" Dodo replied fiercely.

He was so pleased with the world in general that he didn't notice the Hatter's fist until it made contact with his face.

The Hatter grinned down at him happily, "That was for shooting at Alice."

Dodo's nose was bleeding.

"Ah, then he deserved it then," Jack said. The Hatter had made a point to look up every suite that'd ever fired at shot at their precious girl and introduce them to his fist. He suspected that the ones the tea fancier (real made from leaves tea!) didn't know about were in hiding.

Dodo who was all poised to turn his indignant wrath onto that scoundrel the Hatter, just stopped.

Alice had come and saved Wonderland. It didn't matter that she wasn't the same girl. She had come. And what did he do. He was himself at her.

And now he, a man who tried to kill her, was in the same room with two men who were rumored to be in love with her.

The Hatter stepped over his prone form and slipped into the empty chair behind the king's desk. "What are ya going to do with 'im?"

Jack sniffed, "I suppose I should put him to work."

"Oh," the Hatter showed his teeth. Nothing that fierce should be labeled a smile. "The Mines of Shattered Minds? The Treacle Factory? Mr. Fabulous's Strip and Chips?"

At each suggestion Dodo paled and he started to have heart palpitations at the horrendous last one.

"Get up; you'll get blood all over the carpeting." Jack said with wave of his hand.

"I was thinking, Minister of Architecture." The king gave Dodo a critical look. "A position with very little in the way of political power and a lot of responsibility."

Rage, at a position that would leave him with negligible say in government, and joy, he hadn't _built_ in so long.

"You," The king said, "You are going to build me a city. And you'll have almost unlimited funding."

Dodo gaped, and tried to hang on to his anger which was waving goodbye, "A city?" he breathed reverently.

Jack smiled slyly and began to pull together a small pile of books. "These are from the Other World. For inspiration, M.C. Escher, Dr. Suess..."

"They're called roller coasters. Mostly, they're used for recreation. But, I was thinking public transportation," Jack said tapping a bright picture.

Dodo nodded. He could see it. Now, where was a sketch pad…

The Hatter watched the King put Dodo on a leash. And an insidious leash at that. After awhile Dodo would come to like it. He approved.

* * *

The night before David went home, he had a dream. It was funny, the Hatter, thought how he thought of Earth as home.

Alice was home. This revelation made his him tremble as he slid into REM. What if? What if she didn't want him? What if she just wanted to be friends? What if she'd just forgotten him?

He tossed and turned.

And dreamed of the Cheshire Cat.

He was in the Tulgy Wood. It was dark and foggy. He could hear the night song of the jub- jub birds in the distance. The moon yoyo'd its way across the sky in graceful arcs. The Cheshire Cat looked small and brown this time around and cute. Primal forces should not be cute. It was dishonest.

"Do you care about where you're going?" as the cat.

The Hatter juggled hats in the moonlight, "Yeah. I'm going to her."

The cat meowed indignantly. "You're in love!" accused the cat.

"So, they say," straw porkpie hat followed by a silk top hat, then a striped fedora in circles and triangles in the air.

"Love is kind, love is blind, love is all you need, love is blood screaming to work it will, the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return, there is no remedy for love but to love more, love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real," recited the cat in a mocking voice. It climbed a tree and stretched out luxuriously on a tree breach.

"Your heart could break like an egg. Like Humpty-Dumpty, the shells mixed in with the yoke." The cat observed. "Have you noticed?"

The Hatter ignored this and looked at his watch, "Not yet time for tea. I'll have to check later."

"Your minds made up? You'll go without a guarantee?" goaded the cat.

"There's no such thing as a guarantee," Alice walked into his dream with an annoyed expression on her face, like she'd just taken a spoonful of unsweetened lemon pudding.

He'd longed for that look.

The Hatter dreamed about her every night. Always, she wore that blue dress. He'd not seen her in anything else. She wasn't wearing the blue dress. Did this mean she had wandered from her dream to his?

Alice wore silky burgundy pajamas that clung to her curves and green fuzzy slippers. He wondered what beast had been skinned to make them. Her hair was a mess.

Alice was the most beautiful women in the worlds.

"I just thought he should know what he was in for." grumbled the cat. "I was being helpful. He's jumping of a cliff without an umbrella. What do you expect him to do? Grow wings on the way down?"

Alice glared, "Yes. Yes I do." She looked at the Hatter shyly. "I'll be jumping off that same cliff.

The Cheshire Cat rolled his eyes. They'd forgotten him. It was time he and his grin walked by themselves.

Alice held out a hand, "Do you trust me?"

"Completely," the Hatter took her hand in his."

He awoke with a smile.

* * *

The Hatter was jittering about as if he swallowed a mixture of Fretful and Impatient. He danced around the Departure Room like…he had squirrels in his pants.

The morning had gone to slow. He couldn't eat the breakfast feast for fear of hurling. He'd been forced to ware the most _boring_ outfit known to man. "First Impressions are important. You want her mother to warm up to you before she realizes that a weirdo is courting her daughter," Jack had assured him.

Then Rosalie, who'd just gotten back from visiting her huge family, just in time to see him off, had laughed herself silly at the sight of Charlie chasing him with a brush.

She'd still been laughing when Charlie caught him and groomed him like he was a kitten, "Puckish imp! You will not go forth looking like you slept in a haystack."

And then the Mirror was rippling like water before him. He was only dimly aware of Charlie and Jack standing on either side of him. A tech was doing techish things to the mirror and he wasn't going fast enough.

"Galladooon," crooned Charlie to the cosmos. "OOOoooonnn."

Jack, who'd as of yet to encounter this side of the old man, took a few steps away for fear it was catching.

Apparently, the cosmos deigned to pick up Charlie's call for he straightened and grabbed a startled Hatter by the shoulder.

"What is it?" The Hatter asked.

"One. Don't screw it up."

"Thanks. Couldn't 'ave figured that one out myself," he muttered.

Charlie glared at him, "You have a talent for self destruction. Stop it." He paused. "Secondly, take nothing for granted. Thirdly, good luck lad." He pulled an unresisting Hatter into his arms for a tight embrace.

The Hatter wheezed. The old fellow had quite a grip on him. "Thanks, Charlie."

Jack handed him a heavy, full messenger bag, "This has most everything you'll need."

The King of Hearts spoke, "Well, I can't pretend not to be at least a little jealous."

The Hatter nodded in understanding.

"David," and then to both their perpetual embarrassment Jack hugged him. "Go. And be happy."

"Thank you."

And really there was nothing more to be said. The Hatter stepped forward and leapt forward. And grew wings on the way down.

* * *

Carol Hamilton led the nice young man into the foyer of her house, "Alice, come meet David."

After finding shallowly breathing Alice sprawled out in front of the mirror in a limp heap the Hatter had managed to get her to a hospital without freaking out. He then spent the next two days running about the sprawling chaos of New York on his own doing errands to keep from going crazy from worry and two nights of watching a girl with long brown hair sleep was at long last just where he wanted to be.

The apartments was elegantly if a trifle boringly decorated, which he attributed that to her mother— a girl who wore raspberry tights with a blue dress would have more interesting taste, though he approved of the pink teacup key ring holder, a welcome touch of whimsy.

He pulled of his leather jacket and removed his gray fedora and then…

She was there! Alice called his name, "Hatter!" She ran into his arms filling him up with her joy, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."

He sighed and clung to her, "I missed you," he whispered into the shell of her ear.

The Hatter ignored the confusion and consternation practically rolling off her mother and focused on the women he'd traversed a world to get to. This was all that mattered.

He tenderly kissed her. Alice had something slick on her lips that tasted of vanilla and mint and her mouth tasted like fresh honey cakes. "I missed you," said the Hatter and pulled Alice in for another kiss. Home at long last.

* * *

Notes

Both the Hedgehog song and scumble are from the Discworld. And I think the Wonderland version of that song would be even weirder.

Ms. Shelia Lovegood is distantly related to one Luna Lovegood. It makes perfect sense I tell you!

Inspired by the Discworld…Maurice is the name of Puss in Boots. Harrison as in Harrison Ford. Yeah.

Half of what we call madness is just some poor slob dealing with pain by a strategy that annoys the people around him.--Lois McMaster Bujold— Mirror Dance

The nickname Jack-Jack is from the Incredibles.

I think The Hatter is the kind of guy who'd steal himself an education. Economic for obvious reasons, and Applied Criminal Psychology because if he was going to be a criminal he wanted to do it right.

This is the Hatter—he would think that James Joyce is sensible.

Garden of Unearthly (Alien) Delights

Mr. Fabulous' Strip and Chips involves fried food and well stripping by people who really shouldn't be.

Jack is from Wonderland, he'd think that roller coaster would make perfect public transportation. Did you really think the guy is sane?

Love quotes~ the Bible, Shakespeare, the Beatles, William the Bloody, Natalie Cole, Henry David Thoreau, Iris Murdoch.

'The cat who walks by itself' is from Rudyard Kipling.

Stay tuned for the sequel!


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